Today I made a stop in at Goodwill to see what was in, as I tend to enjoy doing when I am nearby a thrift store. As I was wandering around I stopped and looked at a rack of purses (cause I needed one). I found one for $5 that I liked! Sweet! I looked around to see where I should head to next and I spotted this:
Immediately, my mind was taken back about 10 years to when Damien had this exact, same toy. I stood and stared, and my mind replayed the Christmas Damien received this toy, and how much he loved his Rescue Hero Command Center. The only things we have left from those days are the 20 or so Rescue Heroes, accessories, and a few VHS movies that he watched and watched til a blue line ran through the middle. He really LOVED Rescue Heroes. So, right in the middle of Goodwill, strangely enough, I found myself almost tearing up. I went over to see how much it was, and it too was $5. I walked away, then walked back. Got a shopping cart, walked back, put it in, and proceeded to wonder if I really needed to purchase this, and why? So I called Mike at work. I told him what I found, and asked if I should get it. I needed a second opinion since I found myself for the first time ever wanting to purchase something based on sentimental value, and maybe even trying to buy back time, a piece of time that I think may have been a happier time for Damien and I. He said, "Sure."
More times than I care to count, I have found myself in tense, emotional conversations with Damien over seemingly small matters, but nevertheless, they mattered at the time, in a big way. It seems no book or trip to the counselor seems to smooth out those moments with him, they are painful, frustrating and seem to leave a scar that I hope will diminish with time. I love Damien soo much as I do all my boys. I just wish I could get it right. He's had it rough, gone through lots of changes and still endures dual lifestyles. He does well, but I wonder now that he is in these dreaded teen years if it's weighing on him. I'm sure it is. And so I just pray for any insight I can get to help Damien along, and hopefully, send the message that I do love him and forgive him. I know I am supposed to cherish my children in the moment and not hope for days gone by, or wish for them to "grow up", but depending on the day, I am guilty of both.
Update: His reaction to my purchase when he got home from school was priceless! Made my compulsive purchase worth it. He couldn't believe what I had found! He even said, "I'm gonna play with it too." I loved, for that brief moment, listening to him talk about how much he loved these toys, the innocence it brought out of him and reliving those times with him. The feeling was indescribable.
I just have to say, I loved this post! It really makes me think about Aaron and how fast he is growing up. It also makes me wonder when (not "if") I will have my "moment" in a Goodwill somewhere staring at one of his old toys and thinking about "old times." And yeah, even though Damien is technically living dual lifestyles, the way I see it - there are lots of kids out there who go between 2 families and neither family sets a good example or gives the child the love that they need. So personally, I am happy to know that at least one of those families has a very solid, loving foundation and great moral values - So your personal family (you and Mike) is still a blessing for Damien no matter how you look at it. Having said that - we miss all of you guys. Matt and I still talk about your family and how much we miss hanging out with you. And I still haven't met anyone here who is as frugal as I am. lol. Reading your story how excited you were for your $5 purse find at least gives me some comfort that I am not alone in this! lol
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